It's been a long time since I last wrote into this thing...and I bet there's no one out there who's listening.
Since April things have been steadily going down the drain and caving in around me. I keep trying to convince myself that things are going to be alright. I desperately try to forget my problems whether that be studying, a new man candy, working out, or facebook....anything to get my mind off of the last three months is heaven.
You see in the span of three months I've lost a boyfriend, I've crashed a car, I have no money to my name, my savings has been depleted, I have no way of paying for my last year of college and I'm practically failing my physics class. Add in the possibility of cancer for BOTH of my parents...well u get the picture.
Until this point I've been fine or so I try and tell myself. I try to tell myself that things like this happen, that everyone needs to go through tough times to find out who they really are and to really learn life's lessons.
However, after having your heart ripped from your chest, having your car smashed to pieces, having a loan denied over and over again, realizing you owe more money than you do only to deplete your entire life savings and then to have your parents tell you they've been undergoing tests and procedures because they could both have cancer....one comes to realize that life sucks and that you fell like your drowning.
I need someone something to throw me a life vest...I want to pull myself up out of this mess, out of the water, but I don't think I have the strength. Everything I've ever loved has gone to crap within the last 90 days. I used to be so grounded so put together, but I think I've finally hit rock bottom.
I'm slowly losing my faith in myself, in God, in everything. I know that's horrible to say, but I don't understand why he is making me go through all of this all at once. He has been my rock through all this and I really believed that he had something better for me planned, but....I just don't see how.
The worst part about all of this is that I don't have anyone who I can really turn too, because no one around me understands what I'm going through. And if I even begin to explain people judge...the one person I feel like I could tell this all too doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm sure they have someone new to woo anyways.
That's just my luck.
