Help.

It's been a long time since I last wrote into this thing...and I bet there's no one out there who's listening.

Since April things have been steadily going down the drain and caving in around me. I keep trying to convince myself that things are going to be alright. I desperately try to forget my problems whether that be studying, a new man candy, working out, or facebook....anything to get my mind off of the last three months is heaven.


You see in the span of three months I've lost a boyfriend, I've crashed a car, I have no money to my name, my savings has been depleted, I have no way of paying for my last year of college and I'm practically failing my physics class. Add in the possibility of cancer for BOTH of my parents...well u get the picture.

Until this point I've been fine or so I try and tell myself. I try to tell myself that things like this happen, that everyone needs to go through tough times to find out who they really are and to really learn life's lessons.

However, after having your heart ripped from your chest, having your car smashed to pieces, having a loan denied over and over again, realizing you owe more money than you do only to deplete your entire life savings and then to have your parents tell you they've been undergoing tests and procedures because they could both have cancer....one comes to realize that life sucks and that you fell like your drowning.

I need someone something to throw me a life vest...I want to pull myself up out of this mess, out of the water, but I don't think I have the strength. Everything I've ever loved has gone to crap within the last 90 days. I used to be so grounded so put together, but I think I've finally hit rock bottom.

I'm slowly losing my faith in myself, in God, in everything. I know that's horrible to say, but I don't understand why he is making me go through all of this all at once. He has been my rock through all this and I really believed that he had something better for me planned, but....I just don't see how.

The worst part about all of this is that I don't have anyone who I can really turn too, because no one around me understands what I'm going through. And if I even begin to explain people judge...the one person I feel like I could tell this all too doesn't want anything to do with me. I'm sure they have someone new to woo anyways.


That's just my luck.

Miss Me...?

It's been so long since I last wrote it. So much has changed. I don't even know where to begin. Hm..well to start off I am a single woman for the first time in my "college career" haha. It's a long story, but to sum it up Joel decided he didn't want to be with me anymore and ended things on the 29th of April. (yes my parents anniversary and what would have been our half anniversary)


It was extremely rough. Every time I feel like I miss him or I feel like being down I think back to April 30th. That day will by far be the saddest day of my life. I never knew that my body could produce so much water in just a mere span of twenty-four hours. By the time that first day ended I was dry. I couldn't cry anymore, my eye's hurt to keep them open, I didn't want to live anymore. I kept thinking I couldn't, wouldn't live without him. It's hard to have the person you trusted most, the person you "loved" for so long rip your heart from your chest and stomp on it.

Nearly a month later I still have my moments where I feel down and I miss Joel, but it's nothing compared to that first twenty-four hours. I realize now that I am better off without him and that I have accomplished so much that I never thought I would be able to do.

I've been spontaneous, adventurous, I've set goals and accomplished them, I've gone out clubbing, I've met guys and I've had a good time doing it. I didn't think I would be able to do any of this after what happened with Joel. It's good to know that a part of me keeps pushing to find myself and make the necessary improvements in order to reach my full potential.

One of the happiest day's of my life thus far occured last Saturday. In just over a week I set out to run my first 5k race. I trained for it, I did it and I dominated it! It was the most glorious feeling I've felt in a very long time.

So my fellow bloggers I may have been absent for awhile, but it's summer vacation and I have more than enough time to dedicate my inner most thoughts to you. I'm sorry for the absence, but I promise I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.


Until Next Time

Vicky

Break.

Well Folks...I am officially on spring break.

Although I only know the grades to one of my classes (A) the other three are still MIA. That in itself is very nerve racking. I was hoping for at least a 3.0 this quarter...not sure if I was able to accomplish that just yet. I somehow managed to get a B on one of my health finals I didn't study for. Sadly, that's not the one I wrote about previously..that one I am actually very anxious to find out the grade for.

So alas I am still awake..five minutes till midnight. I really really hate the time change..it throws my sleeping patterns off so badly. Considering I slept in till 10 o'clock this morning and now I'm not getting to bed till midnight..that very rarely happens at all. So enough of my rambelings...I feel as if that's all I'm doing in this entry.

I'm off to Portland in the morning..yet again. I bet you're wondering if I ever get tired of driving up there every weekend...and the answer to that is yes sometimes, but seeing Joel is worth it and it makes it a lot easier. My mission this weekend is too scout out a new backpack and some new shirts and such. I had zero luck at the Woodburn Factory Outlets (shocker). So here's to hoping that Clackamas Town Center won't let me down.

Until Next Time.

Luck.

Good Afternoon Darlings!


So as I wrote last night I have my last final in about five hours...woo hoo! Then it's a small break before I am back in school for another three months. On a more positive note, Joel is finally going back to school next term as well! That in itself is extremely exciting :]

I am still a little upset about not going to Frisco for my break. I was really looking forward to seeing my friends and spending time in a big Metropolitan city with my boyfriend..but alas some thing's are not meant to happen when you want them too...kinda like studying for my last final.

Haha I really really am trying my hardest to sit down and concentrate on my notes long enough to study, but it's just not working out real well for me. I can't seem to sit down long enough and read through all of my book notes. I can only hope for the best on my test tonight. I only missed one class and I hope my brain will remember everything my professor discussed in class. (Sometimes I am so sick of school).

What's the worst part is I have a solid B+ in the class right now, but because the professor hasn't posted grades on my 74 page note summary or my 10 page paper I don't know what I need to get on this final in order to pass the class with a B or higher. Stupid Professor.

Just Keep Me In Your Prayers!
Until Next Time

Raincheck.

Well it's almost 1 a.m. on Thursday Morning...I have my last final in 17hrs and I should be going to bed. So I hope I can get in at least 8hrs of study time...but we shall see. It's not looking promising. I am so exhausted from this week..I honestly just want it to end.

In light of recent event's and different circumstances it seems that things have been falling apart around me. Whether it be my lack of medical insurance, my job insecurity, or my lack of a spring break. Yes, I am sad to acknowledge that Joel and I will not be heading to California for my spring break. I was fortunate enough to get the money I spent on a hotel refunded by a certain travel company. ( I will definitely be using them in the future, great customer service!!)

I will admit..I'm a bit bummed out. Actually I was a lot bummed, but it's progressively gotten better the more time I've had to stew about it. Perhaps, one day I will be able to do the things I want and travel the places I want with no restrictions and no self doubt. However, until that day I can dream about all the wonderful places I will be able to travel too..sigh

For now I need to make it through my last final, I need to get things moving for my internship for next quarter and I need to start saving up some money for a few necessities..(i.e. a new backpack and maybe a new wardrobe haha)

That will be my way to cope with the depression of my lack of a spring break. Who said shopping isn't the best medicine. :]

Well my fellow readers I think I am going to hit the sack, well I'm going to try to at least. Then it's time to hit the books until 6pm tomorrow. Woo hoo!

Wish Me Luck
Until Next Time

Update Finally.

First off let me apologize for not updating my blog for some time. Last Tuesday-Friday was perhaps one of the most stressful times in my entire collegiate career. Two HUGE assignment's due two day's straight....was way too much stress. However, after that was over with I was able to get to my internship in Salem and then headed straight to P-Town to stay with my boyfriend for the weekend. Now that's how to end a week from hell <3

Now I am studying for my Modalities final tomorrow at 6pm. I ca only hope that I am able to secure a B or an A in the class. My goal is to get at least a 3.0 this semester in order to get my GPA up higher. So I am hoping I can pull off a good grade on my test tomorrow. Wish me luck! Also I am going to try and write in here more often...now that I'm not too stressed out!


T-Minus 11 day's till the Road Trip!!

Until Next Time

Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you.

Hello World!

It's been awhile. I'm finally starting to unwind as the last two weeks of class come to an end. I can't believe it's already Wednesday of Week 9!! Time really does go by extremely fast. A few new developments have come to my attention since my last entry. First thing is first I am delaying my graduation time at least another 3 months. I want to be able to take my time and re-due a few classes to get my GPA up higher. I just don't need that extra stress in my life. IT was driving me insane!! :[

Aside from my new found comfortableness with school I am happy to say that Joel and I are going to be heading down to California for my spring break!! We've only ever had one other road trip together and that was a day trip to Seattle two year's ago. I am sooo stoked to be going to San Francisco and the bay area!! As a native California I am ashamed to say that I've never been there. :[


Alas I couldn't be happier!! :]